A metro card (New York?)How can parents and siblings possibly grieve without disappearing into a fog of despondency? How can any person who encounters huge loss grieve without being overwhelmed by dismay?
A gym membership & 3 different identity photos.
A song he composed and wrote.
A page from his address book, in his strong block handwriting.
The last Sudoku games Michael played with a concentration-frown fighting the morphine-daze.
A wrist band, a “big walk” and swimming medals.
Two surfers’ necklaces: a shark’s tooth and a small replica of a surfboard.
A simple basic piece of pottery he made at school of a surfer in a barrel – funny little surfer!
A cigarette lighter and a copper bangle.
A heavy commemoration plaque of his last year at school.
His silver wrist watch.
And a key-ring with the words: “Oh give thanks to the Lord for He is good.”
Let’s say a big thank you that grief-intensity is not constant. Initially I dreamed repeatedly that Michael had died - only to wake up with the harrowing realisation: he did die! Rather than a temporary frightening nightmare – it was stark, hard-hitting reality!
Can Christians face terrible realities and still trust God to keep them intact? Yes! Time and again the Holy Spirit focuses the vision of the God of comfort blurred by grief. Just ask - it's one request away from any Christian. By His love and grace in Jesus , through what feels like intolerable pain, we see a tender Father who loves and keeps and cares and carries! Jesus acquainted with suffering, is with us and understands totally. He has been there and has done that.
I’m thankful that Michael’s ID book, driver’s licence and passport were not in that small bundle. That kind of documentation, stamped “deceased” is one of the mothers of triggers.
Back to Michael’s key-ring-words: “Oh give thanks to the Lord for He is good.” Gordon and I and our children echo that truth from the depths of our hearts and minds. Nobody has forced us to do so.
We can affirm this, not because we are stronger than anyone else or have a whole bunch of faith – be assured, we are weak and our faith is not the greatest. But…..we are convinced by His grace, that our Lord knows the FULL PICTURE. We’re sure, He does and we don't. And so, through our sighs and tears we are proving the truth of His goodness. No, no, we’re not trudging through real life like blind-folded people. To the contrary our “God-is good-conviction” doesn't topple in the face of the reality of loss & suffering.
We hope you too, like countless believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, have this anchor, sure hope, help, comfort and confidence that breaks out in thanks to the Lord because…“He is good.”
Let’s face it, there are no quick fixes – no matter how vigorously we might click that finger. But God has made a way in which we're enabled by amazing grace to face our loss square on – with the wisdom of the God of the Bible. And where do we find this treasure of wisdom? In the Lord Jesus Christ!
How futile to try to fight, to bang our heads against a wall, to ignore, deny and suppress that overwhelming shudder all by myself. Deep down we know: this is no little shiver or a momentarily blib or an interlude that can be easily and neatly shelved. This is no easy come, easy go kind of grieving.
Just for how long can I duck, dive and dodge my pain or on the one hand or on the other, indulge in binge grieving? Rather than pretending all’s just fine or being swamped by our pain, let’s draw close to our God. And wonder of all wonders by His grace He will draw close to us. What a difference that makes!
This photo was taken when our Michael was about 13. He died physically (not spiritually) shortly after his 27th birthday of cancer of the spine. Wow we still love him so much!
