Dads and frustrated children.

Monday, 31 January 2011

It could be a very interesting exercise for dads to ask their children what specifics about their parenting style frustrate them - you’re going to need to be b r a v e!

Of course there are several other sides to parent-child-relationships: teaching, nurturing and cherishing children, children to obey their parents, mums' roles etc.  But for today:  dads and frustrated children.

One caution:  As you, in all probability know all too well, angel-children can be skilled at  manipulation –example how can you be so cruel and  MAKE us go to school every day.  God has appointed you as their dad, and gave you the authority to love and teach them – this does not rhyme with push-over - YOU’RE the leader and children love leader-dads.

Dear dad, arm yourself with humility, honesty, readiness to ask and receive forgiveness, and change non-scheming suggestions!  Home is to be a place of grace and growth  - and love and laughter and change for the good and as leader you set the tone.

Ephesians 6:4  "Fathers do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

Ok now for that reality check together with your own children’s views.
Some areas that frustrate children and make them angry:   (and sad)

1. Lack of marital harmony.
2. N o clear boundaries.
3. Angry parents.
4. Unfair scolding.
5. Legalistic - loads and loads of rules - who knows why!
6. Parent not admitting when he's wrong.
7. Constantly finding fault.
8. Listen to their side of the story.
9. Time to talk to your children.
10. Not keeping promises.
11. Too much freedom.  Not enough freedom.
12. Unrealistic and crushing expectations.
13. Favouritism - makes kids mad.
14. When children are angry and furious it is difficult for them to listen.

To find the sermon on "God's Word to children and fathers" - June 2010 - please click on this link. – by our pastor, Greg Strain, St Albans, UK.   You won’t be disappointed!   (Use June 2010 in the search facility.)

On how to become correction-free

 
this post  is meant to be tongue in cheek!

I’ve copied and pasted this whole blog-post from The Blazing Center, filed away the last day of January in my mind, because…….it is a reminder I must not forget to remember.

We cannot commend you strongly enough to go to The Blazing Centre Blog.  Blazing Centre. Blazing Centre – easy to remember.  Gordon and I are  never disappointed by his posts, as this one will prove.

Hope you feel the same!    Here is the website to the blazing centre.  And here is a sample, virutually as is:

Don’t you hate to be corrected?
Don’t you hate it when someone says, “Do you mind if I share an observation for you?”  Don’t you just want to reply, “YES, I DO mind.  Now please go back to Observation Ville and I’ll call you when start to run low on observations.”

One of the worst things about being corrected is the way your face feels. You want to smile and look “receptive,” open and humble, yet your face essentially feels like it’s made out of Plaster of Paris and is about to crack into a thousand pieces.  On the outside your face says, “Yes, I can see what you’re saying.  Hmmm.  No, I didn’t realize that every time I open my mouth you feel like I’m tazering you.  Thank you so much for sharing this with me.”  But inside you are saying to yourself, “Don’t cry.  Don’t cry.  Don’t cry.”

So here are some suggestions for how to receive correction.

Four Tactics:

1. First, take a lesson from the CIA, whose motto is “Admit nothing, deny everything, make counter-accusations.” The minute someone begins to correct you, even before they’ve finished their first sentence, launch your offensive: “Why are you always attacking me and tearing me down?  Why can’t you support me for once?  Aren’t there enough dogs in the street that you have to start kicking me?”  Do this at least 23 decibels louder than you normally speak. This should take your would-be “observer” off guard. 
2. They may be speechless for a moment, which will give you the opportunity to launch your second fusillade: the guilt trip.  “After all I’ve done for you, this is the thanks I get?  Whatever happened to encouragement?  You know the last time you encouraged me?  In the Truman administration!  Why do I even bother trying to do anything nice for anyone if this is what’s going to happen to me?”
3. Now they may gently point out they haven’t actually even said anything to you yet.  Don’t be put off by this.  Launch stage 3: Play the ‘Woe is me’ card.  “I’m sorry for snapping like that.  It’s just that I’ve been under so much stress lately.  My pet lizard, ‘Lucky,’  died last week and all the crickets I’d fed him got out of his cage and my whole house became infested and the city came and condemned it.  They accused me of being a hoarder, just because I like to collect things.  On top of that, I had to get rid of my 32 cats.  It’s just been terrible.  I don’t think I can take any more.”
4. If your observer hasn’t left yet, launch stage 4: The downcast listener.  “Ok, give me your observation.  I need to be teachable. Tell me how bad I am.  Tell me what a loser I am.  I need to hear it.  It’s good for me.  Just let me grab some Kleenex first.”  Then look at them with sad watery eyes. Sniff and wipe your nose.

If at this point, they still have gumption to actually give you an observation, repeat tactic 1:  “Oh, right – I’M insensitive. Well what about last Sunday when you snubbed me at the coffee bar?  What? You didn’t see me because of how crowded it was? Talk about insensitive!  If you didn’t see me, why weren’t you concerned?  Oh right.  You were reaching out to a guest.  Well, I guess I just have to try to be more sensitive to YOU, Mr Outreach.”

Get the idea?  It’s not that hard.  Put these simple techniques into practice and soon you’ll be correction free like I am.

Dads and children in a Christian home

 
These are notes I jotted down WHILE listening to this excellent sermon on God’s word to children and to fathers.    Unedited, not tidied up, as is:  jotted notes.
To find the sermon on "God's Word to children and fathers" - June 2010 - please click on this link. – by Greg Strain, St Albans, UK.

We hope you don't hear the notes in a harsh. shrill voice, and see the words in pictures of  threatening and wagging fingers!   We hope you hear a gentle, loving and authoratative (not a walk-over) voice. 

Home is to be a place of unity and growth.

God has a word for children - the children are addressed:  Ephesians 6:1 "Children....obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right...etc.

Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.

You husbands...you wives..you slaves...and you children...
Obey, listen to your parents, do what they say.  They obey-word means to listen (with attention) to what they say in the specifics and on how to live.
Submit in the Lord - your parents have been given a delegated authority by God.  God does not give loads of detailed bits of guidance in your quiet time, He says a lot through those in authority over you.

Parents are children's appointment authority.

"....for its right...."  It's the first commandment with a promised.  One of the ten key-points of God's law.
and what is the promise? 
“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.
God's promises have more to them than the bare promise - so there is no guarantee that you are not going to die young and have to deal with many difficulties.  The principle here is that you will enjoy spiritual blessing.
Authority is counter-cultural.  Authority  is not a way to enslave but it's the way to freedom.  There is an anti-authority streak in our present culture in parenthood.  Parents know how difficult life will be if you don't know how to handle money, they know laziness is destructive, etc. etc..

A WORD TO THE FATHERS: nourish and cherish.

 Ephesians 6:4 Fathers do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Fathers do not make you children angry, don't frustrate them.
Ask your children what frustrates them in your home (without being manipulated by them!! - principle- example you  make me brush my teeth every day!")

Here are some areas that frustrate children and make them angry:

1. Lack of marital harmony.
2. N o clear boundaries.
3. Angry parents
4. Unfair scolding
5. Legalistic - loads and loads of rules - who knows why!
6. Parent not admitting when he's wrong
7. Constantly finding fault
8. Listen to their side of the story
9. Time to talk to your children
10. Not keeping promises
11. Too much freedom.  Not enough freedom.
12. Unrealistic and crushing expectations
13. Favouritism - makes kids mad
14. When children are angry and furious it is difficult for them to listen

Positively..instead.
Ephesians 6 "instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
Instruction, admonition, correction, gentle rebuke - all part of the package.
Here is the nourish word:  bring them up - bring them to maturity, to know Christ and what it means to live for Him.

WHAT DO YOU AIM FOR IN CHRISTIAN FATHERHOOD?

Picture you child as a teenager and adult

1. who understands grace
2. who knows how to live the Bible
3. knows how to care
4. who relates well
5. who has a heart for the lost
6. who knows what kind of spouse to look for
7. who grows in the fruit of the Holy Spirit
8. who knows how to pray and how to battle sin

These are just for starters - your targets, as a father, will include more.

• Christian dads are to be trainers with the Bible as the manual - teach at home and make sure they are taught.
• Raise them in the knowledge of the Lord - even if they don't get it all.
• Let them know that you love them and they can be open with you.
• Your kids are watching you - let them learn from you how to trust a sovereign God.  What do they see when they see their dad in crisis, or in easy times, etc.?

AS ADULT PARENTS...we have disobeyed our parents and need forgiveness and peace in this area.
Our own families are to be places of grace - we need to say sorry to our children and our children must be prepared to say sorry to the parents.  None of us do anything perfectly.

A youtube link to Matthew West's "More" one of the songs played at Michael's Memorial Service.

Here's the youtube link to Matthew West's "More",  -  it's about God's love - Maybe it's exactly what you need to hear today.

For a few extra optional lines about that day, click here.

Something more about Michael's Memorial service & "More"

Here's the youtube link Matthew West's "More", with the hope that God's love in Jesus will be all yours. 

Friends were greeted at the church door with a long-stemmed rose.  It was a hot and windy January day in Port Elizabeth, SA. 

Early in the service, we all  placed roses in prepared vases to symbolise our own farewells to Michael.  Moving, moving.  

The hundreds of roses and the love were achingly beautiful.

Immediately after Michael's service & refreshments, we went down to Kings Beach & kicked off our shoes.  Michael's lovely friends wrote his name in the wet sand & did the traditional surfers' paddle-out on their surfboards to put down red roses, behind the surf, in their friend's memory. 

We stood barefoot in the sand in our church clothes, chatting and struggling to believe the reason why we were there. 

King's Beach, Port Elizabeth (Nelson Mandela Bay) - overlooking Algoa Bay, Indian Ocean

Can rules change our hearts?

Nowhere does the Bible say that the law possesses the power to enable us to do what it says.
(I’m limiting myself to a few lines on the law in the Christian’s life – if you want to check out, how Christians are empowered to obey, please click on this link.)

Here is a quote (in black)  from Tullian’s post – a link to his blog is provided at the end of this post.

• The law guides but it does not give us life and change our hearts.
• The law shows us what a sanctified life looks like and plots our course,

but it does not have sanctifying power—the law cannot change a human heart.

John Bunyan hits the nail on the head. “Run, John, run,” the law demands, but gives me neither feet nor hands. Better news the Gospel brings, It bids me fly and gives me wings.

• The law is like a set of railroad tracks.
• The tracks provide no power for the train but the train must stay on the tracks in order to function.
• The law never gives any power to do what it commands.
• Only the gospel has power, as it were, to move the train.

When we receive Jesus and His gift of salvation, the law doesn’t change, nor does it change us -  it is us who change, or rather are changed.
What was once a burden and legalistic misery, stifling and restrictive and impossible, because we were trying to save ourselves, becomes a delight.


Please, please refer to Tullian (on this picture and grandson of Billy Graham)http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tullian/2011/01/27/two-ways-to-realize-radical-obedience/ to take you to Tullian’s blog, his post and all his posts.

How are Christians empowered to be obedient?

 
A simple phone-call ,such as to a call-centre this morning, is more than enough evidence that I can easily fail to be like Jesus - at the slightest provocation.
Imagine Jesus INSISTING and getting more and more and more annoyed and agitated at being directed from option 1 to option 2 and back to option 1 again  His call would have been, in the first place, a lot shorter than mine!  And a lot less heated.  
The more I explained that I needed simple advice and have already been to option 2,  the more I was referred back to option 2.   And the more indignant I got, and round an round the conversation twirled between option 1 and option 2 – dizzyingly! 
No wonder Tullian’s writing caught the eye and the heart this morning. 
I’ve “lapped up” the contents of his post, then took some thoughts from there, added a few images and bullet points, and took the good news to heart.  Of course there are many other aspects to what it looks like to be like Jesus  and how to get to look more and more like Him:  those discoveries will take more than a life-time, let alone managed to all get mentioned in one post.
None of what is written, will either make sense or have any application value, unless you can say of Romans 4:5:  “That’s me!”

Rom. 4:5  “But to him or her who does not work, but believes on Him who justifies the ungodly, his or her  faith is accounted for righteousness.”

If you’ve not met yet, let us introduce you to…..the writer and then to his writings.
William Graham Tullian Tchividjian (pronounced cha-vi-jin) is a grandson of Billy and Ruth Graham.

So here goes – selected bullet-pointed quotations from Tullian’s post:
Obedience to God matters to God and it should, therefore, matter to God’s people.
In fact, one way to gauge our love for God is obedience to his commands (John 14:15, 1 John 5:3).  

Where does the power come from to do God’s will and to follow God’s lead?

Will more rules keep me in line?  Will it be the law– or will it be God’s grace in Christ?

Will guilt or fear or rewards or approval be motivating enough to get me to pursue holiness? 
What will lose sin’s  vice-like grip on human hearts?

Let’s see what Tullian writes:  Long-term, sustained obedience can only come from the grace which flows from what Jesus has already done, not guilt or fear of what we must do.

• The fact is, however, that the only way licentious people start to obey is when they get a taste of God’s radical, unconditional acceptance of sinners.
• The irony of gospel-based sanctification is that those who end up obeying more are those who increasingly realize that their standing with God is not based on their obedience, but Christ’s.

1. Let’s pursue, go after, chase holiness. (Without it we won’t see God: Matt 5:8; Heb 12:14.)
2. And let’s pursue it centrally through enjoying the gospel, the same gospel that got us in and the same gospel that liberates us afresh each day (1 Cor 15:1–2; Gal 2:14; Col 1:23; 2:6).

The Apostle Paul never uses the law as a way to motivate obedience; he always uses the gospel.  The obedience that pleases God is obedience that flows from faith and grace; not fear and guilt.

So…….

How does the gospel empower us to keep going after obedience and holiness? 

Like this:
when we fail,  the gospel reminds us that God’s infinite approval of us does not depend on our keeping of the law, but Christ’s keeping of the law on our behalf.

 
God’s love for us does not get bigger when we obey or smaller when we disobey. And guess what? This makes me want to obey him more, not less!

As Spurgeon wrote, “When I thought God was hard, I found it easy to sin; but when I found God so kind, so good, so overflowing with compassion, I smote upon my breast to think that I could ever have rebelled against One who loved me so, and sought my good.”

So we see that it’s the gospel – i.e. all that  Jesus has done – that moves and motivates and animates our obedience.  The law shows us the way and grace motivates us!

The Gospel of amazing grace gets us in, keeps us in, and will eventually get us to the finish line. It’s all of grace!
Now, let’s go and spread this defiant, scandalously liberating, counter-intuitive Word around the world…it’s waiting!

Here again is Tulllian's blog site - I'm off to read more of his blogs.

Thanks for spending time here – now for obeying Jesus, motivated by His obedience and grace –  some of the treasures that belong to children of God!

3.5 minutes of joyful & energetic violin music

This   LINK is your instant gateway to David Garrett at a Proms. 

Here in Hertfordshire, UK. it’s the dullest and drizzliest of days – but these scintillating melodies let the sunshine break through!

If your mood resembles this sky, and you enjoy happy violin music - this link is just for you!

The facts of life-spans and mortality

Here are Gordon (dad) Isabelle (one of Michael's sisters) meeting Michael (guitar on his back and chemo hairstyle), at Heathrow, having  arrived from South Africa – end of 2005.  So happy to see one another! 
A month later the oncologist-team at Royal Marsden in London confirmed the South African oncologist’s diagnosis:  there was sadly (tragically) no further medical help for our so-loved Michael.

By the way, Michael loved life and he was weighing up whether he should bring his guitar or bring his surfboard.

Life-spans…………..some die so young!   Others wish they could die… 

The commonality of our mortality.

• Life-spans vary as many seconds as there are in over a 100 years. 
• The length of our womb-to-tomb existence is unpredictable.  
• How a life-span ends is unpredictable.  Some people die with absolutely no warning - in an eye-wink.  Others leave us as a prolonged whimper. One in the prime of life  another a creaky octogenarian.
• We have one life-span – not 7 cat-lives. Longevity is limited  and life is death-bound.  It’s common knowledge that the race against death is one that none of us will ultimately win. Our lives are a wispy dream.

• The death-rate is 100%.  You and I ARE going to die.  It’s no secret that our bodies don’t  last forever.  No matter how strong I’m at the “Never-say-die spirit”  - none of us can ultimately avoid some things that will ultimately kill us.
• Earthly immortality is not on offer or for sale.
• Us perishable people cannot pull off eternal life.  God can. Jesus walked out of his own grave.

Does God randomly circle a date on a calendar – or is your birth-day and death-day more calculated?  Consider this book of numbers and days…..

Psalm 139: 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,  when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;    all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139
You may say:

1. after death there is nothing but sinking into oblivion..…………..so I’ve nothing to fear. 
2. What’s the stress, I believe in  endlessly dying and endlessly returning.
3. I’m banking on a death-bed conversion - a last minute manoeuvre.
4. At least  I will get half-way to heaven.

 But.................. what if you’ve got this wrong?

Are you not taking the ultimate risk and what are you going to do when you find out you were wrong?

What if the Bible is true? Hebrews 9:27 “Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment…”

Here’s a starting point on how you can live forever:  One last click.

Psalm 90:12 Teach us to number our days aright,        that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Rev 1: 18I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.  

Death is crushed to death.

This, the pow'r of the cross:
Son of God—slain for us.
What a love! What a cost!
We stand forgiven at the cross.

4 photos of Michael - this time including Liesl

Photo above:  Michael (healthy) and Liesl

Photo below Michael and Liesl at one of Michael's 14 rounds of chemo

(5 days hospitalised at a time)

Photo below:  Michael and Liesl just before Michael (24) went to America for a year's work and travel.

Photo below

Isabelle and Karl watching Jason (Liesl's husband) returning from the big waves on his surfboard.

Gordon and Liesl and Josh and I were to the right)

This was immediately after Karl and Jason scattered the ashes and red roses behind the huge swells at Jeffreys Bay, near PE, SA - early morning the day after Michael's memorial service.

Yes, we praise our Jesus that Michael has been led home by grace and is more alive than ever -

and, yes, we miss him so!

There’s a right way to be rich

 
I’ve been really bothered between Tuesday and Thursday. 
First it was the outrageously expensive – yes , beautiful quality, but ridiculously priced  kitchen-ware in a shop in St Albans.  Of course, if it was a reasonable price it would be jolly nice to have.  But there was something strange about functional things costing the earth. 
Secondly, I happened to walk past Paul Smith in St Albans this morning.  What first caught the eye was a crazily priced wash bag.  A wash bag!!?  Then my eyes followed the price tags of suites and shirts.  I’m sure, if you really wanted to, you get shirts much more expensive than round about £200.
Here’s a PS shirt  at the snatch-price of £155. 

And here’s the rationale behind the price:

Folk - Rounded Elbow Patch, mens navy brushed cotton shirt with a corozo nut button front. The shirt also features a Folk square hem insert, darted, curved elbow patches and panelled rear yoke - From the handcrafted, aesthetic of Folk Menswear.  100% Cotton

Right next to Paul Smith in St Albans is a charity shop – I walked out there, 10 minutes later,  with an £8  PAUL SMITH shirt for Gordon – retail happiness is…….!

Here are 2  stocking-fillers…..especially for you!
John Lennon “Home” T-shirt – $16,400

They say the clothes make the man. That’s probably less true today than when you could tell a man’s occupation by the hat he wore, but if it’s true of anything then it’s true of the world’s most expensive shirt.
Swedish shirt-making company Eton, celebrating their 80th birthday, created this shirt out of the finest Egyptian cotton. Of course, it couldn’t be the most expensive shirt in the world without a few diamonds. Both the studs and the cufflinks are encrusted with diamonds—white diamonds on the cufflinks and colored diamonds on the studs.
Hang onto your collars……….for the price-tag:

The most expensive shirt is valued at £23,000 (over $45,000).

So………is it all wrong for Christians to be rich?    Hear John Piper (5 minutes and 18 seconds) on "What is the right way to be rich?".

For those who battle with pornography

 
Dear younger friends of ours, Brenton and Margot from South Africa, recently shared the truth of  his porn addiction and her responses from their lives as husband and wife: Their true story and concerns are public and they are helping others wherever they can, while also being helped.  

I've just got Brenton's reply to say his facebook note is out there to be read by all. So if you can identify with any aspect of their story, or need to  hear how change is possible, please feel welcome to follow  this thread to Brenton's facebook note. There is opportunity to comment (politely).

I pick up at  Brenton’s last paragraph of the background to his addiction, sexual abuse and finding help to overcome pornography as he shares in their  "Freedom Face-book-Note"

"The third issue was my porn addiction. I don’t know if fortunate is the right word but when I got to high school I was able to have my own pc with internet access.  This started my downward spiral into porn addiction. At first it started as occasional nude pics then it changed to daily nude pics. As I got bored with the pics I found myself going to video clips and so over the years it went from soft to hard core, from pics to videos, from single poses to all sorts. In the end anything went. I was ashamed and embarrassed about this and did not have anyone to talk to. Every time I tried to escape I would find temporary freedom only to be pulled back as if I had a bungee cord attached to me and I’ve stretched it as far as I could and now it was pulling me back. Eventually a year ago my world came crashing down. After carefully hiding my files in sub folders upon sub folders on the PC where no one would find then, Margot found something."

Margot shares:

"It was the most traumatic morning of my life, and to top it off Brenton was at church!  How could he be at church and have this on the pc. His whole life is a lie. He does  not love me, I am  just a nice cover up to make it look like all  is fine.  I was extremely hurt and angry. I was obviously not good enough that he needed to look at other women and even men.  What had I done to deserve this.
When Brenton got home I confronted him and we had the biggest fight ever. He walked out and I never thought I would see him again. With mixed emotions of wanting him back and not wanting to ever have him near me. I sobbed my heart out and phoned a close friend, who came immediately and was there for me in my darkest hour. Brenton returned after an hour and my friend was able to give us a few simple words of advice... and that is how we started to restore all that had been taken away.  At the time I told Brenton that if I found anything else I would move out with the kids, and slowly we started to work on our marriage. It was a long journey, with many mixed emotions, but it was one of sacrifice- of making choices to love and serve Brenton even when I felt that he did not deserve it.  We really wanted our marriage to be restored and we would do whatever it took. We put K9 onto the pc to block certain sites and I have the password. We did laugh your way to a better marriage – which was excellent, explaining the differences with men and women.
I think the big thing for me was that Brenton wanted to change. He was relieved that I had found it, as it had been a secret sin for so many years.  We could now work at it together. I realised that the pornography was not a sin towards me, but that it was a sin like any other sin, between him and God. I needed to support him and help him to get rid of the sin in his life.  I want to appeal to all wives out there that if your husband tells you – see it as a privilege, he is inviting you into the most secretive part of his life and he wants you to help him break free.  It is only through the strength of Christ that he is able to be completely free, but he needs you to walk along side him and support him.  Brenton and I are extremely transparent with each other, we share our feelings and thoughts and have a much closer marriage and understanding of oneness that God intended for a married couple. I am busy doing a course called united front, which is a course for all wives who are walking the journey of sexual purity with their husbands.  It has helped me focus on God, as during times like these it is only God who can help you love and serve your husband, when all you want to do is stay away from him and think about yourself.  It is a course that is filled with God’s word encouraging you along the way and at the same time, real people sharing their struggles and emotions.  You even have a mentor that responds to you, and encourages you in your journey.  I would encourage anyone in this situation to give me a call so that I can walk beside you, it would be a privilege, It is my heart that God can use what I have experienced, even though it was terrible at the time, to help you build your marriage and for you to know who you are in Christ.  Through God’s grace it can be done.  Just a few thoughts and how we can change our thoughts into Godly thoughts.
“ He doesn’t love me. He only loves himself”  In Colossians 3 :14  He does not show love as he should but his capacity to love can grow.
“ I can’t believe what he has done to me!”  In 1 Corinthians 10:13 What he has done is difficult but God will give me the grace to get through it
“ I will never forgive him” In Matthew 18:32,33 After all that the Lord has forgiven me, this is the least that I can do.
“He’ll never change” In 1 Corinthians 6:11 By God’s grace, he can change
“I’ll show him what it’s like” In 1 Peter 3 :9 I’ll give him a blessing instead
“We never should have gotten married in the first place” In Matthew 19:6 He is my husband and I am committed to him no matter what
“ This is more than I can bear. There is no hope” In 1 John 1:9 There is nothing that has happened that God cannot forgive, that I cannot forgive, and that we can’t work through."

Brenton Shares:

"Where do I turn to? Who do I seek help from? How can I tell others about my shame? After all, it is only I with this addiction, so I thought. I was enslaved to this and now it may cost me my marriage and my family, all that I held dear. In shear desperation I cried to God for help. And He heard me."

Please, if you need to and would like to find out how people can be helped, DO read the full version of
Brenton and Margot's experiences here.

7 photos of Michael–remembering him with love

A couple of photos of Michael and a thread to some bullet-points on heaven.

Michael is surfing the lip at Jeffrey's Bay – March 2005 – we never thought that 10 months later, his earthly life would end.

Michael in his element!  He loved his surfing, but loved people even more.

Michael and I on my birthday

Michael is watching a surfing-video

It was not exactly sumo wrestling but just a dad and son being playful

The words on Michael’s T-shirt reads:  “Kiss your life goodbye” – we’re sure it did not have any particular meaning.  But it’s just much more of an effort for young people to think of mortality – or maybe that’s just a generalisation?

Michael was in pain and could hardly bare being touched, but towards the end he asked us one by one to lie in his arm.

Michael and Isabelle, here.

Real Christian family love is special and doesn’t stop – ever.

Thank you for sharing with us as a family.
Here again is that link to some bullet-points on heaven, if you have another few minutes.

Thinking of Michael–thinking of heaven

 
 Here’s a picture of our Michael – taken under a lamp-post in Surrey. We laughed and laughed because we got lost on a long walk after dark – unnecessarily!  This was also the photo which was projected on a middle-sized screen at Trinity Baptist Church, Port Elizabeth, SA. -  during Michael’s Memorial service January 2006.

Photos above and below: 

Gordon and Michael were wrestling and Michael had pinned his dad down!

July 2003

Shortly before Michael’s physical death after struggling with cancer for 15 months – he was reconciled to our Father, through Jesus.
Since then, we’ve been oh-so interested in heaven!
Here are some facts:

1. In our wildest flights of fantasies, we cannot visualise real heaven. 
2. Heaven – a brilliant unlimited durable future – thanks to Jesus.
3. God’s presence pervades heaven and His unveiled glory is on full display.
4. With our new eyes will see the bright light of God’s unveiled glory – we will see God Himself!  We will see God’s face, brighter than the sun – and all of that without being blinded.  Try to imagine the exhilaration of God’s dazzling presence!
5. Heaven is where the glory of Jesus Christ is exalted above all things and where reality is the all-satisfying.
6. Michael and all those who “fell asleep” forgiven,  entered a realm of perfection. Forget the bits about playing the harp on puffs of cloud and gently swaying palms!
7. Heaven is a real place where real forgiven people are free from sin and futility.

8. Heaven is  place of no fear. In heaven there is nothing to interfere with our joy or tarnish or sense of well-being.

9. Heaven teems with people who are no longer being skewed by sin. Sin, suffering and imperfection  no longer cast its dark shadows.

10. Will there be many extra dimensions in heaven?  And what about seasons and the weather in heaven?  What we DO know is that there are going to be SHOWERS and showers of blessing.

11. There we will literally love God with all our hearts, all our minds – one hundred percent collective admiration. And at last we’ll not only love each other as we love ourselves, but as Jesus has loved us.    Imagine that!

Are we in exaggerated awe of heaven?   No.

Matthew 14: 43: 

“Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father.

He who has ears, let him or her, hear.”

Virtual surfing THE biggest waves in memory of Michael

In memory of our Michael who LOVED surfing!

And once you’ve watched the adrenalin-pumping surfing on the link above,

we hope you will enjoy a scroll through the surfing-pictures.

I’m aiming at uploading photos of Michael himself soon. 

Click on each image to enhance the sensation of virtual surfing -

hold tight – enjoy the ride – and think of Michael!