“A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”

In the seventies, Gloria Steinem famously quipped, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” Then she and the rest of her feminist buddies set about to convince us of this idea. Sadly, we swallowed the bait. And now a whole generation of girls is being raised to believe that men are inconsequential, and that women can make it just fine without them. Just think about it for a moment. On the surface, the slogan seems to encourage a girl to develop a healthy self-respect and avoid getting enmeshed in dependent relationships. But there’s an underlying message here. The slogan insinuates that men are inferior, and that they are expendable. It fosters an unhealthy, independent, a-woman-needs-a-man-like-a-fish-needs-a-bicycle, type of attitude. Today’s young woman is taught to value personal power and independence. She doesn’t need men. Indeed, in order to truly win, she must do so without them. Men are the bad guys. They’re the ones who stand in the way of a woman reaching her full potential. They’re the optional and disposable piece in a woman’s life. Independence is the highly prized and sought after trait that will guarantee her success. So she approaches relationships with the resolve to retain her autonomy at all costs. The underlying message is that women need to be independent because men are untrustworthy, and will almost certainly let them down. Is she better off without ties to a godly father, uncle, cousin, husband, or brother? Will she succeed when she fiercely exerts her autonomy and regards and treats men as non-essential? Will this attitude actually enhance her relationships and her life? I think not. Independence versus Interdependence God created the two sexes to be interdependent—not dependent, co-dependent, or independent. This is the case in marriage, and is also the case in the general way the sexes interact with one another. Scripture actually cautions us against adopting an independent attitude: “In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, and man is not independent of woman. For just as woman came from man, so man comes through woman and all things come from God.” (1 Corinthians 11:11-12) God did not create male and female to operate independently. In this game called life, we’re players on the same team. We’re “heirs together of the grace of life.” You will do your daughter a disservice if you teach her to be fiercely independent. It’s not a biblical perspective, and it’s not good for her. Yes, you should teach her to guard against unhealthy relationships, and not to look to men for her source of identity. But at the same time, you should be careful to teach her to respect men, to encourage and speak well of them, and to value and welcome the contribution that they can make to her life. I understand that there are some scum-bags out there. I understand that your daughter may never get married. Or that her spouse might ditch her. Scripture provides an answer to these potential situations. It teaches that God has a special spot in His heart for women who don’t have dads or husbands. It promises that in such situations, He will be their father or husband. We Need Each Other Women need men.. Do not buy into the idea that men are unnecessary. Do not teach your daughter to be independent of men. Do not teach her to devalue men and write them off as inconsequential to her life. We need men. We need them to be the fathers, brothers, husbands, protectors, providers, God created them to be. Being interdependent and having healthy relationships with males enriches a woman’s life. Women and men need to function interdependently. It may be true that a fish doesn’t need a bicycle. But it doesn’t follow that women don’t need men. Gloria Steinem clearly got it wrong. What do you think? Why do you think women fear losing their independence? How can women avoid becoming dependent, co-dependent, and independent, and foster a healthy interdependence instead?

"I don't know what to say."

How often do we not hear, or have said ourselves:  "I don't know what to say to my suffering friend."

There are less pointers to keep in mind than any of us had to get into our heads to pass our driver's licence.  So, even though we never get everything always right - that's pretty much a lame excuse.

So here are those bullet-points from Holcombs’ book, Rid of My Disgrace.  In his book he gives guidelines in relating to sexually abused victims.  I couldn't help being amazed how applicable they are for any kind of suffering.

This is going to take several readings, even some memorising, to equip us to be able to show sympathising love - emphasis on love with wisdom. 


Here are Holcomb's lists (less information than what is necessary to know to pass your driver's licence)

WHAT NOT TO SAY 
Hurtful reactions toward a victim may be intentional (victim blaming), or they may arise from ineffective attempts to show compassion by people who mean well but are uninformed. Below is a list of things not to say because they shame, blame, or doubt the victim: 

“I know how you feel.” 
“I understand.”
“You’re lucky that ___________ didn’t happen.”
“It’ll take some time, but you’ll get over it.”
“Why don’t you tell me more details about what happened?”
“Don’t worry, it’s going to be all right.”
“Try to be strong.”
“Out of tragedies good things happen.”
“Time heals all wounds.” 
“It was God’s will.”
“You need to forgive and move on.”
“Calm down and try to relax.”
“You should get on with your life.”
“I believe you.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“How can I help?’
“I’m glad you’re talking with me.”
“I’m glad you’re safe now.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“Your reaction is not an uncommon response.”
“It’s understandable you’re feeling that way.”
“You’re not going crazy. These are normal reactions following an assault.”
“Things may not ever be the same, but they can get better.”
“It’s OK to cry.” 

WHAT TO SAY 
Below is a list of things to say that would support and encourage a victim: 
“I’m sorry this happened to you.”“I believe you.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“How can I help?’
“I’m glad you’re talking with me.”
“I’m glad you’re safe now.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“Your reaction is not an uncommon response.”
“It’s understandable you’re feeling that way.”
“You’re not going crazy. These are normal reactions following an assault.”
“Things may not ever be the same, but they can get better.”
“It’s OK to cry.” 

To get that desired driver’s licence, we would do anything to get to know the necessary must-know-data, to pass the test.  

May we never ever again say “I didn’t know what to say to my grieving friend”.

May we never fail in our part of being a friend in need – just because we didn’t make the effort to get to know the very basics of  showing loving sympathy.  Love starts here.

Living in denial?

Most face-book posts are positive and funny - yay for that! This status is NOT to instil or stir fear, although a good think about the reality of our mortality, linked to the eternal life in Christ, through faith, is definitely not out of place.

While sorting through our things in preparation of a move, I have here in front of me,  the Royal Marsden London summary of our son, Michael's medical report. Cancer has its own language, but when it is "so close to home" it stings and pains.

I read here, with Michael in my heart, about "Para spinal soft tissue mass, destruction of sacral wing, tumour passes into lumbar spinal canal, displacement of nerve roots, total encasement of nerve roots, disease progression, increasingly destructive - 30% more, increasing involvement, abnormality increase in left rib and 5 more places - all of which are suspicious of bone metastatic disease."

Believe me, the purpose of this post, my friends, is not to draw your always-comforting and appreciated sympathy, but, part of its purpose is to spur us all on to show faithful love in words and deeds, to fund-raise, visit, take a tasty meal, mow a lawn, and always give realistic hope to those who have to undergo treatment. It can be grueling!

Of course not every cancer diagnosis is a death sentence......but eventually we all have to face the final enemy: how bizarre to live as if we never going to die - a fatal denial.

Who said suffering or death is romantic or a walk in the park - but it is not meaningless either. There are real answers, sure hope and rescue in the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus. Check them out for yourself - to be sure. Michael was ready to die - in his own words he texted/smsed his friends with,  "I am right with Jesus."  Our son was ready.  Are you?

^{John 6:40 “}For it is my Father’s will that all who see his Son and believe in him should have eternal life. I will raise them up at the last day.” – Jesus.

Where to see the Father's Son, Jesus? Right here is a link Mark's quick-moving biography about Jesus.

My random notes gleamed from the Prelude in “Renovation of the Heart” by Dallas Willard.

 
A)  The bargain of all bargains is to give up our old lives for new life in Christ.
B)  Life-change at our core is possible as we grow in Christ-likeness.
C)  Intention
D)  We have rich resources available to become more and more like Christ.
E)  This is no grim duty!
 
A) THE BARGAIN OF ALL BARGAINS

 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

Yes, count the cost of giving up your old life for new life in Christ.  Yes, count the cost of following Christ, weigh up the losses and the gains of such a course of action. (Matthew 13:44)

We must have some idea of what Christ-likeness is and why it would be desirable and valuable for us. I need to also have some idea of what it is going to take to be on this journey: would the spending of time, energy, money to become more Christ-like, be worthwhile?

THE “LOSS”

• Self-denial is losing our lives.
• Deny the self we worship.
• Deny an attitude and action of investing only in self.
• Deny the self that insists on its own way
• Lose our lives in favour of the life God gives.

Here is the bargain of all bargains:

1. To give up our old lives for a new life in Christ.
2. It is always a giving up of lesser for more.
3. It’s not as if Jesus denies us personal fulfilment, but He offers us life and life abundant in Him.
4. In Christ, we find life.

GAIN 

1. New, endless life in Christ.
2. The relinquishing of the burden of only looking out for ourselves.
3. Freedom from the world’s approval or censure - alive to God’s approval, His pleasure, will and ways

Many, many people do not see the value of becoming Christ-like. There is a lack of a vision of life in God’s kingdom. Have you caught the vision of life in Christ?
There is overwhelming benefit in life in Christ! It makes sense to  actively lay down the burden of having our own way and rather trust a loving sovereign Father's ways and will.
 
B) TRANSFORMATION INTO CHRISTLIKENESS IS POSSIBLE.

• This transformation can actually happen and actually happens to people.
• It is possible to be transformed,  to increasingly take on the character of Christ.
• The human heart can be progressively renovated so that growing into Christ-likeness can become an everyday reality.

C) INTENTION
God takes the initiative but to grow in Christ-likeness/transformation, engages our effort.

• I don’t become Christ-like by accident.  There's no such thing as drifting  into Christ-likeness.
• I can’t be forced to become Christ-like.
• There are real examples of people, though not perfect, who have lived and who live today, more and more in a Christ-like way. 
• There are real-life people who have made a decisive choice and who have intentionally taken steps to realise transformation into Christ-likeness.  And their lives show/ed it.

The idea that you can trust Christ and not intend to obey him is an illusion, a delusion.  Knowing the right answers cannot substitute for intention.

WHAT IS INTENTION?

Intention involves decision. Many intend to do things which they don’t do. Sincere intention can be hindered by bad habits. You can wish to be Christ-like, but without a decision, it will always stay a dream. Procrastination is a common way in which intention is aborted. People can articulate or think about intentions without carrying them out.

D) WE HAVE RICH RESOURCES AVAILABLE TO BECOME MORE AND MORE LIKE CHRIST.  For example:  Jesus’ example and teachings, the Bible, the Holy Spirit, God’s people, prayer, etc.
Prayer: I can pray that God will work in my inner being to change things there – there in my inner being, so that I will be enabled to obey him. The means of spiritual transformation is available.
So in conclusion – as in my notes:

• In the spiritual life the following is true: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” God is involved and He makes His help available to me.
• Where there is no will, there is no way. People who do not intend to be inwardly transformed, will not be.
• The problem is NOT that spiritual transformation is impossible or that the resources for spiritual transformation are unavailable. The problem is that intention lacks.

E)  TRANSFORMATION INTO CHRIST-LIKENESS IS NOT SOMETHING GRIM!

This is not meant to be a grind, but it is a way, a life-style which is rest for the weary, for the overloaded and stressed.
It is a way of life and a path to life that is an easy yoke and a light burden.

Matthew 25: 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Celebrating the outdoors washing line!

Today (this morning at least) the sun is shining in Hertfordshire, England!  Yesterday afternoon it snowed big white flakes and the day before the sun played hide and seek with the clouds.  Today sunshine rules and I’ve spotted through our lounge window, a sight that consistently lifts my spirits: washing on a line.  For most of our lives we took the African sun for granted and hung nappies, shirts, linen,school clothes, underclothes, jeans and towels up under the African sun without a special celebration. Today the pegged washing dancing in the sunshine and breeze – brings a big smile.

On rainy washing days, our lounge is filled with draped washed clothing and a mmmmm good- and - fresh a nd- clean smell. But today…..as soon as our own latest machine cycle is done, I want to be outside, doing the washing-line-thing!

PS - the following 11 reasons to use a washing line is not a list to send anyone on a guilt trip.  I remember too well our rainy and high humidity Cape Town weather, when washed toweling nappies for baby and toddler never quite reached the "dry" point.  How I wished for a dryer in those days! Of course, in our modern times, the norm is disposable nappies, but towels and jeans take just as long to dry.

Here are 11 reasons why all of us should vote for the washing line instead of the dryer.

1. Your clothes, linens, and other fabric items will smell fresh.    2. Sunlight is a natural sanitizing and bleaching agent.[ It's perfect for killing insects, bacteria, and other germs.   3. Clotheslines only need energy when they're manufactured. Dryers use energy every single time they're used.   4. Line drying is kinder to your clothes than the dryer; clothes last longer the more they're kept out of the dryer. Line drying is also better for items with printed elements, such as t-shirts. And if you wonder why the elastic in your socks and panties/knickers is disappearing fast, blame the dryer.   5. If you're already buying and using eco-friendly washing products, what is the point of then using an energy-guzzling dryer? Extend your convictions to the drying cycle too!   6. Line drying keeps moisture outdoors. Sure, you can vent the dryer outdoors (and hopefully you are!) and you can even get dryers that collect moisture. But all this has an energy-intensive cost, one that hanging outdoors gets rid of totally!   7. It's a great form of exercise; you might even discover your arm muscles are in need of some stretching!   8. It can be a source of pride and enjoyment. In the old days, housewives took great pride on how neatly they could hang up clothing. It is still a good idea to hang clothing neatly on the line as this can help prevent wrinkling which means less ironing.   9. It's fun as well as rewarding. Getting outdoors even if it's only to hang the clothes can be a way to avoid or dig your way out of depression, so treasure this activity as a "must-do" that gets you some sunshine, kisses from the breeze, and much-needed movement.   10. You'll start noticing the sunny days in between the rainy ones more. They're your "washing days"!   11. Clotheslines don't tend to spontaneously combust no matter how much you mistreat them. Dryers can cause fires if poorly maintained, accounting for 15 deaths a year, 360 injuries a year, and 17,700 structure fires a year!

God is active in the world and constantly engages our lives, and the life of all creation. The Good News of Jesus Christ is that God has acted decisively for the salvation of all who believe.  Christ obediently suffered for us, and then God raised him triumphantly! God’s continued activity in, with and for the sake of the world is consistent with that decisive act of salvation in Jesus Christ.

The Holy Scriptures testify to God’s creative and redemptive work in all things. For example, Paul taught the Christians in Rome: the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and will obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning in labor pains until now; and not only creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. For in hope we were saved (Romans 8:21-24a).

For more on being stewards and caretakers of the earth, click on this link.

Here is one idea out of Somerset, UK, for drying clothes indoors.